He’s popped the question, you’ve said yes, and now it’s time to start planning! But before you can book the reception site and hire the caterer, you’ll need to know how many people you’re including in your day of celebration. Since putting together your guest list can be challenging—you want a small gathering but he wants to invite everyone, or you’ve realized your budget can’t accommodate the huge list you’ve compiled—I’ve put together a few tips that will hopefully make the process easier!

1. Start early- When it comes to making your guest list, you can’t start soon enough! Everyone from the reception site coordinator to the cake designer will want to know how many people are coming so you’ll need to have your list ready before you can start making concrete plans. Your guest list will also help you set up your wedding budget. Generally the more people on your list, the more money you’re going to spend so it’s important to have that information up front; this is especially true if you and your fiancé aren’t picking up the tab. If your families are taking care of the expenses then be considerate and get that list done as soon as possible so everyone will know what they’re working with. If you’ve made your list early you’ll be saving yourself from making difficult and perhaps even embarrassing cuts later on!

2. Know your priorities- If you have your heart set on a venue that only accommodates 100 people but your guest list is soaring over 250, then you’ll need to decide which is more important. This is also true when it comes to dealing with the rest of the vendors. If you’re working on a budget but don’t want to shrink your guest list then you may have to cut back on something else like flowers or the menu. It’s important that you know the things you can’t live without as well as the things you’re willing to compromise on. Set up your priorities early so you can keep them in mind while you’re creating your guest list. That way you’ll know whether you can keep adding guests or if you’ll have to start subtracting a few!

3. Don’t give in to guilt- Sure they might have been your best friend in elementary school but if you haven’t seen them in the last 10 years you don’t need to feel guilty about not inviting them. The same goes for a co-worker you visit with in the hall occasionally but don’t hang out with otherwise (unless it’s a small office and you’re inviting everyone else, of course)! Guilt should not be a determining factor when you’re creating your guest list. Invite the people who are special to you now and those who have been important in your life. If you’d still like to share the good news with friends you’ve lost touch with over the years, consider sending them an announcement of your marriage instead!

4. Create your dream list- For some couples, this approach makes creating the guest list a bit easier. To do this, you and your fiancé would sit down and make a list of all the people you know—everyone you would love to invite if money was not an issue—then you start crossing off names until you get to a more realistic number. Usually you’ll have to repeat this process until you’ve shrunk your list into something that matches your budget. It may take a while but it’s well worth the effort!

5. Be fair- Make sure that you and your fiancé both have an equal say in the friends and family that get added to the list. There is usually some give and take involved in this process. You may have to cut your college roommate so he can invite his best friend’s wife then somewhere along the line he’ll have to make some adjustments for you. Don’t forget that both of your families will probably have lists of their own as well so be patient as you discuss who will make the final cut. This is just one of the many things you will have to compromise on as a couple so it’s good to get some practice in now!

While the process of creating the guest list can seem frustrating and overwhelming you will eventually come up with a final draft so hang in there! Remember to be patient and flexible along the way and soon enough it will all be behind you. When my husband and I were creating our guest list there was one rule we lived by: if you can’t imagine your special day without them, then invite them. We found that by following that, our list of loved ones was complete!

- Kelsey Gonzalez